Amazing Chicken Fried Chicken, with real cream gravy, token green vegetable side starch.

Everyone has an opinion on fried chicken.  This is mine. If you like super crunchy chicken with a dark golden brown crust, you should probably walk away.  This is a plate-sized pounded chicken breast, moist and beautiful, in a fluffy cloud of delicate crust.  It is a lovely thing, but it’s my lovely thing.  It doesn’t have to be your thing.

This is a lazy kitchen dog. He is adorbs. Fried chicken must not be his thing.

I used peanut oil to fry it this time.  I don’t have access to decent lard, and I have no desire to use up my entire stock of bacon fat and butter on one meal.  Peanut oil at least gets a decent temp when frying. If your family has peanut allergies, use a different oil.  It will not end the world.  I used to fry in Wesson.  I also used “normal-people” chicken.  Don’t judge.  You can use your free-range chicken of awesomeness.  It will turn out okay, too. 🙂

Pound boneless chicken breasts into a reasonably even thickness.  Don’t sweat it.  I do not get out a ruler; you shouldn’t either.  Who cares?  Not me.  I used a meat mallet, and I pounded them one at a time inside a gallon-sized zipper bag to save on the gross factor.

During the process of pounding, you may accidentally dislodge part of your old farmhouse tile backplash.  Do not be alarmed.  Put it back in place and gingerly move the pounding process to the kitchen table.

Appeal to your minions for labor assistance. It’s fun. They enjoy it. Life is too short to worry about flour on the counters. And floor. And hair.

Soak them in salty brine.  I wanted buttermilk, but I was out.  I used sweet milk.  We’ll live to tell the tale.  [Edit: Cover the meat in a liquid of your choice, salted. It should be quite salty, but not salty enough to turn your head. About a tablespoon per pint of liquid, adjusted to taste.] Let them soak for at least half an hour.  Mine soaked until my husband got home with the frying oil that I forgot I didn’t have before I decided I wanted fried chicken.

I used about an egg per chicken breast.  Scramble them up well.  No gloopy spots.  Okay, but seriously, don’t stress.  I have OCD, so I almost got the blender out.  NO!  Resist the urge.  It will be great.

I seasoned the egg goo with garlic powder, onion powder, creole seasoning, sage leaves, and a hint of curry powder.  Oh, and cracked pepper.  I didn’t use salt in the egg this time because my brine was plenty salty.  Let most of the brine drip off of each piece of chicken before you dredge it.  Dunk in egg, dredge in flour.  Repeat.

Pop straight into a pan with about a half-inch of hot fat in it.  Flip when the edges get done, like a pancake.  You want a medium golden tone, not dark brown.  Practice makes perfect.  Get messy.  It will be glorious.

I refuse to measure the temperature of my chicken pieces.  We don’t get food poisoning in my house, and my chicken is always glorious.  Don’t sweat it.

Look at that pile of beauty.  Isn’t it wondrous?  Serve it with something starchy and something green.  For the love, make some cream gravy to drape on that beautiful poultry and call it a night.

What’s on the menu:

• Chicken Fried Chicken
• Cream Gravy
• Seasoned Steak Fries (from the freezer)
• Packaged herb salad mix with storebought dressing